(Above: Lily reading Olivia Goes to Venice)
A few weeks ago, Lily and I were invited to a playgroup hosted by one of my neighbors– but I chickened out. From our living room window, I watched, feeling guilty and embarrassed and totally lame, as the other moms arrived, parked, and unloaded their kiddos. The excuses came way too easily: Lily needs to nap on schedule, I told myself. And I didn’t have time to give her a bath first. We’ll go next time.
The truth is, the idea of changing out of my sweatpants, taking a shower, and holding a real conversation with another mom– one probably more competent, experienced, and interesting than I– was overwhelming. Because this cocoon that we’ve spent the last few months creating is nice. And comfortable. And safe. And I’m not yet sure who I am and what my role is outside of it.
But the other day, while browsing here: http://www.betterworldbooks.com/, I came across a book called How You Do Anything Is How You Do Everything by Cheri Huber. And although I have no immediate plans to read the book (because, as you can see, we’ve been really busy just keeping up with Olivia), something about this concept really resonated. The way that I’ve been approaching simple, unfamiliar situations—with fear and tremendous trepidation—is a reflection of the way I’ve been living my life. More than anything, I want to help Lily learn to be brave and curious and compassionate— and I’ve been selfishly letting my own insecurities get in the way of her opportunities and experiences.
This week, I’m committing to baby steps, like getting dressed, leaving the house every day, and not avoiding the neighbors. Because Lily is ready for an adventure—and I think I might be ready to leave our cocoon.