I love you anyway

When they’ve finished reading, Olivia’s mother gives her a kiss and says, “You know what? You really wear me out. But I love you anyway.” And Olivia gives her a kiss back and says, “I love you anyway too.”

Ian Falconer, Olivia

This week,we’re organizing, packing, and trying– again— to get rid of some of our unnecessary clutter. There are documents to sign, loose ends to tie up, and a multi-state drive to prepare for. But we’re feeling good, all things considered. Organized. On track.


Except that Charlotte’s taken to dragging her little rear on our new rugs, there’s a major stain on our linoleum floor  (not at all related to Char’s new habit, thank goodness :)) that’s going to cost us dearly, and Lily decided this week that sleep is for sissies. And after too many nights of on-the-hour wake-ups, the results are in: I am Queen of the Sissies. And CEO of the Cranky New Mom Association. And I’m pretty sure that I have Dmitri’s vote for president of the Grouchy Wife Club.

Even so, he found it in his heart  to remind me, twice, (with dramatic, “you really wear me out” sighs) that he loves me anyway– and then he did the dinner dishes. And later on, after we read Olivia for the third time, Lily patted my face and gave me a kiss. As if to say, You know what? You’re a crazy control freak.  But I love you anyway.

I’m not entirely sure why I’m having such a hard time keeping things in perspective; after all, what we’re dealing with is the small stuff that you’re not supposed to sweat. And maybe that’s the real heart of it: after so many months of living cocoon-safe– and having the luxury of only small stuff to worry about–we’re getting ready to re-enter the real world. Which is good– definitely good– because even I know that a cocoon is no place to raise a well adjusted child.

In a few years, I know that this whole transitioning thing will feel like second nature. And if Lily’s latest attempts at wall-scaling or behind-the-couch spelunking are any indication of what the future holds, it’s pretty clear that I need to get on the adventure bandwagon pretty soon. But for now, it’s all about small steps and, when necessary, big apologies.

So Dmitri and Lily? I know I wear you guys out.

But thanks for loving me, anyway.


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