This post is being written in the interest of national security. The current danger code is ORANGE.
You can sleep easier tonight and fly more confidently next trip knowing your TSA is alert, technologically armed and ready to deal with potential terrorists. People who look like me. Racial profiling? We must consider that possibility.
Anyway, I know all this because I spent a good 20 minutes with the TSA team at Corpus Christi International Airport last Sunday. They verified my ID with their magic decoder penlight. They conducted the hands-over-your-head full body scan that has had people screaming about privacy invasion (which baffles me, but much does, these days). They looked closely at my computer.
And they drug tested my Metamucil.
Yeah, I know. Like everyone else consuming the physician-recommended, high-fiber product, I’m only doing so to lower my cholesterol. 😉 But instead of taking that deer-hunter-Dayglo-orange canister the size of Switzerland with me while traveling, (yes, the one that I would not have been able to transport because it exceeds the 2.5 ounce TSA maximum criterion), I transferred some to a small, discreet container and labeled it. Not good enough.
So, there I stood, stocking footed with my belongings in limbo, while the specialist called in measured out a tiny amount of the substance on a small card and calculated the exact number of blue-chemical testing drops. Then we waited. The agent, me and about 25 of my new best friends, all lined up and clearly pleased to be spending their time in this manner.
The card tested negative. I was not carrying drugs. Nor am I pregnant.
Now, if I can just get Kate to stop referring to me as “..her mama, the Metamucil Mule,” we can all move forward.
And run to catch our planes.
Image via Wikipedia