what is it you plan to do…
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
—Mary Oliver, from The Summer Day
As much as I’d like to believe that my almost-year of motherhood has helped me learn to live in the moment, I’m finding that I spend far too much time seeking out distractions: food, work, food, exercise, food, T.V.– anything at all to avoid the all-consuming brainspin. And while there’s nowhere I’d rather be–and nothing I’d rather be doing– than living here and helping to make my family work, I hate that it always seems to be 10 p.m. and I feel as if I’ve slept the day away. I suppose that I’m afraid that staying awake and really looking would be too much, too amazing, too painful a reminder that this is it– and it is beautiful, and it is fleeting.
But there are also moments– moments that, if you are the parent of an 11-month old, you feel compelled to photograph and share with anyone who’ll look 🙂 — when time slows down just long enough to make it clear that fear isn’t a good enough reason, or a good enough excuse, to stop paying attention. Because the ever-patient husband, and the shiny black dog, and this— the big-eyed, curly-haired, yellow-ribboned miracle–deserve more.
So today I agreed to sign up, once again, for a living-in-the-present lesson with Lily. And I’m hoping that I’ll learn a thing or two before she has a chance to unlearn what she already knows so well: that the wild possibilities– though uncertain and scary and so overwhelming– help to make the never-enough-time we all have together so precious.