Year in review (or, how many adjectives can I fit into a single post?)
One year ago today, Lily-Padily came into the world– and her arrival changed everything. Now, with 365 days of baby-raising under my belt, I’m fairly certain that I’m only slightly less clueless than I was on that day we first met. But I know without question that this amazing, awe-inspiring, and transformative journey has been the single greatest experience of my life.
When I was pregnant, I had this fantasy that Lily would be a cuter, smaller, diapered me. Not because I’m totally self-obsessed but because, over the years, I’ve learned how to handle me, and I assumed I’d be better equipped to handle a like-me child. Of course, she doesn’t seem to be very much like me at all. She’s clever and resourceful and really funny, and I can tell–oh yes, I can already tell– that she is definitely not a pleaser. But it is these qualities– these decidedly un-me qualities– that make it easier to let her try new things, make mistakes, and take the risks-within-reason that move both of us beyond our comfort zones.
The truth is, this year has been an exercise in learning to hold the tension that comes from never knowing for sure. And while the uncertainty hasn’t gotten easier, managing the discomfort– a necessity, I’m discovering, if you choose to love anyone intensely and completely and totally unconditionally–is getting to be, well, slightly more comfortable. But knowing that I get to spend my days with her— this silly, clever, stubborn, Olivia-the-Pig-loving-girl–makes it hard to feel anything less than grateful.
So that’s where I am now, on this most amazing milestone of a morning: totally whelmed, totally thankful, totally in love. And I’m ready to celebrate the next step– and every scary, fantastic, chaotic, beautiful phase that will follow– with an open, grateful heart.
Happy birthday, my girl– and here’s to many more.