That’s what it’s all about
Because a later-this-month move back to Florida is imminent, Dmitri and I have spent the last three days
arguing poring over Craigslist ads for apartments/houses/rentals of all conceivable varieties. I’m pretty sure we weren’t this picky about our first (or second, third, or fourth) place together, but the task of choosing even a temporary home, sight unseen, is sort of terrifying when there’s a little one in the picture.
In addition to our incredibly kind and helpful friends, we’ve had to rely on technology (thank you, rentals.com! And thanks for scaring the bejeezus out of us, sex offender registry!) and leads from a few generous realtors, and we’re very grateful– and, hopefully, a little bit closer to finding a potential home. Needless to say, however, we’ve been pretty consumed by the search. So consumed, in fact, that we sort of made Lily play by herself this weekend. We weren’t neglectful, I promise– she hung out and colored while we lap-topped– but we definitely let her entertain herself instead of selecting/halting/interfering with her activities. Which is how, incidentally, we discovered that she is pretty close to mastering the hokey-pokey. Yep, I’m proud. It took me a minute to realize that her collection of actions– hand in, hand out, foot in, foot out, etc., etc., all followed by some indecipherable chanting, a final clap, and an exclamatory “yay”– was, indeed, the routine I’d attempted to teach her just a few days prior, but it was amazing nonetheless. And her admirable and independent display confirmed some idea-inklings that I’ve been wrestling with all weekend: it’s probably time for me learn to have a little more face in the process and stop sweating (or obsessively micromanaging) the small stuff.
We don’t have to be perfect parents, or live in the perfect house, or keep Lily from having less-than-ideal experiences. Sometimes, just managing to put our whole selves in, tolerating some uncomfortable shaking all around, and letting the details–even the important ones, like where to live or what to worry about–sort themselves out is probably more ok than Dmitri or I have been able to understand. Maybe, sometimes, it’s all a whole lot simpler than we’ve been making it out to be: a (mis)step here, a celebration there, and a just-when-you-need it reminder of what it’s really all about.