all you need is love
Remember the guy in your high school whose intensity left you feeling a bit intimidated? The one who clearly had a sense of humor, but also a sense of direction that called you to recalibrate your own? Dennis Huffine was that guy, for me. We shared the percussion real estate in the NW corner of the Seymour High band room, but this was someone who actually knew the difference between a riff and a rimshot. Someone who could set an unwavering cadence to carry our award-winning marching band forward and fast. Today, Dennis lives outside Omaha and helps those wanting to capture memories and meaning do so through his company Living Legacy Videos www.livinglegacynow.com. When I saw the Valentine’s Day message on his website, I asked him if he’d care to author a relationships/reflections post for our Week-o-Love series. Here’s his response. Thanks, Dennis. 😉
All You Need is Love
As Valentine’s Day approaches, is love all you need? In Corinthians, the Bible says: “Love is patient. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” And of course, the Beatles sang, “All you need is love”. But, is that really true, especially to keep a relationship together and working?
I once heard a caller on talk radio in Los Angeles share a list of basic life issues for couples to consider before marriage. His premise was couples should be in harmony on a minimum of 5 of the issues and able to reach compromise on the remaining 2. Anything less could result in marital discord, possibly divorce.
The 7 issues, in alphabetical order, not necessarily order of importance, are: Children (especially how to discipline – authoritative, authoritarian or permissive?), Family/In-laws (like them or hate them?), Friends, Money (Are you a spender or saver?), Recreation (together or separate?), Religion, and last but not least, Sex.
I would add Goal-Setting to the list. If one partner is a goal setter and the other is not, it is possible the non-goal setter may be very content to accept and adopt the goal setter’s goals. If not, the goal setter will feel unsupported and a lack of togetherness, ultimately leading to strife in the relationship. If goals are mutually exclusive, trouble lies ahead.
There can certainly be many other issues people will find important, like politics, vocations and jobs, where to live, education and so on…so, the list should not be considered all-inclusive. Using it to explore each other’s feelings before marriage is much easier than waiting until the issue becomes real and a source of disagreement. Maybe it all comes down to sharing and communicating. After that, all you need is love.
A postscript from Carla: The preceding pic is of the Seymour Junior High Band, circa 1962–a bit before our “award-winning” days. Dennis is front row, fifth from right.